the SI Yankees

In an effort to turn around the sagging attendance problems at the ballpark, a new management agency has been brought in with much hoopla. Ummm... sorry to be the bringer of bad news, guys...but there's no chance. You might as well save your money. I don't care what kind of incentives they offer the ticket buyers-YOU ARE STILL ON S.I.!!!!
The reason the ballpark in Coney Island sells out during the summer is that... (drumroll, please...)
...it's in Coney Island! The sheeple of S.I. will not go to a local game. Period.
They won't even go to a rock concert...remember?
Listen, there's a reason that nothing ever happens on S.I.
(at least nothing ever exciting or innovative)...
That's the way the residents (and business owners) want it.
They moved out here to get away from all that crap.
As a matter of fact, there's so LITTLE to do here, most NYC tourists take the ferry here, and get right back on to return to manhattan!
So here's a few "suggestions" for the new management in order to target staten islanders specifically...
-Free eyebrow waxing for the guys...
-Free orange spray-tans for the girls...
-Free nextel cellphone with 2-way radio (bleep!)...
-A chance to win a ten-foot wide townhouse(one of 7 attached homes, where there used to be one!)...
-One year's free auto repair (you'll need it with the roads!)